Don't bother with a guy's hand

                                      
I hate handshakes 
Especially by men
For often they are out to prove their masculinity with that hand of theirs.

If he's a macho guy, he'll vigorously shake me up from top to bottom
Like a salt and pepper shaker
Accompanied with his trademark half smile
And revels in the sheer discomfort he causes me
He gets some kinda kick out of it
He soon makes good his escape, when he realizes I'm perspiring
To shake up some other unwary female.

If he's a shy, nervous, "Oh, how do you d-d-doooo" type
His hands perspiring, body quivering
Now its up to me
To make him feel good
So I pat him on the back
He falls down
The others look up
Now I'm the one feeling nervous.

Then I have this man
who gives me his solid hand
I try and try to extricate mine
But he has it in firm hold
He talks and talks
And I wonder if hubby's looking
Finally he lets go
Only when joined by his bitter half.

Some are funny
I give mine to him
He keeps his
When I decide to keep mine
He gives his.

There's also the cool, calculated guy
The one high up on the ladder
He just shrugs his head
When I've given him my hand
By the time I take it back
He's quickly gone.

So the best advice for all females
Don't bother with a guy's hand
But do watch out for yours
Just simply smile
And offer a nice Namaste!